Lily Allen: Women masturbating in a relationship isnt wrong

Lily Allen: Women masturbating in a relationship isnt wrong

“If you’re hungry, you don’t wait until your partner gets home to have a slice of toast.”

Except Lily Allen isn’t talking about being hungry or indeed toast. She’s talking about masturbation – and why she thinks women are still judged for enjoying “self-love”.

The singer’s never been afraid to speak her mind but admits there aren’t many other high-profile women speaking about masturbation.

“It’s still such a taboo subject but it’s something most people do. So why wouldn’t we talk about it with pride and without guilt?” she tells Radio 1 Newsbeat.

Saying women shouldn’t be ashamed to talk about sex is, of course, nothing new. But that doesn’t mean anything changes – especially when it comes to relationships.

Which takes us back to the toast analogy.

“When a woman talks about masturbation, it’s always: ‘Well you’re clearly not getting sex from a male partner so you must be undesirable – or disappointed with your partner’s ability. It’s lazy, archaic and just not true,” she says.

“There’s a reason our bodies are made as they were. Women are given clitorises and G-spots – because they’re there to have orgasms with.

“You can do it yourself and then enjoy it with your partner. It’s quite a co-dependent attitude to pleasure – that we have to rely on someone else – when we’re perfectly capable of doing it ourselves.

Lily says that the quicker women can discover this, then communication in relationships will become “much easier”.

When it comes to things that make some people feel anxious or ashamed, Lily very much believes “you need to get it out in the open”. She wrote about sex and her discovery of sex toys very candidly in her 2018 autobiography.

She’s now put her name to brand of vibrators and makes it known her title is “Chief Liberation Officer”.

Lily, 35, admits she doesn’t know whether it’s getting easier for younger women to talk about sex.

“Certainly amongst my generation it isn’t – and the older you get, the more inhibited people get about talking about masturbation,” she believes.

She also wishes she’d had more open conversations about masturbation when she was younger.

“I felt very alone and not very well-versed in this subject. And then going into my 20s, it felt like it was something everybody else was doing but nobody talked about and I didn’t engage with it.

“I felt I was objectified and a vessel for male pleasure when it came to my sex in my adolescence.

“It wasn’t until I committed to masturbation, self love and ultimately sex toys that I considered my own needs. And I’m in a much healthier place now at the grand old age of 35.

“I wish I’d come to terms with it much sooner, it would’ve saved me a lot of headaches.”

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